1 You will wonder what the hell you’ve done.
Mark my words: at some point in that first 12 months (likely when you find yourself sleeping on the couch because he yet AGAIN came home from ‘a couple of drinks with the boys’ completely sloshed), you will ask yourself whether you guys should have ever tied the knot. And then you will FREAK THE HELL OUT.
2 You’ll be jealous of your single friends.
When you hear work colleagues giggle on a Monday about the guy from Tinder they hooked up with over the weekend, or your friend WhatsApps you a dressing-room selfie to ask whether she should buy the body-con number for her third date with the banker, a bit of you will miss the dating scene. And that’s okay.
3 You’ll want your alone time.
And you should take it. Whether it’s a run around Zoo Lake, getting your nails done or even a weekend away with your girls, checking out will help you keep your sense of self. Encourage him to do the same.
4 You’ll feel smug.
Because you know that people look at you and wish they had what you have, and that – despite the snoring and his seeming cluelessness about loading a dishwasher – you pretty much hit the jackpot.
5 You’ll fight.
Oh my God, you will fight. About everything. From the way he leaves the water running while he brushes his teeth (hello, we have a water shortage!), to the way he blows cash on his car (really? What are you, 18?). You will feel like you never fight as much as you will in that first year. Until you have a baby. And then you’ll fight some more. Speaking of which…
6 People will ask when you’re going to have kids.
They’ll start the second you cut the cake at the wedding reception. And they won’t stop. Do yourself a favour and stamp it out quick-sticks or it. Will. Never. Stop.
7 In-laws will be an issue.
You may have loved your guy’s ’rents when you were dating. You may have even made it through the wedding prep without wanting to strangle your mother-in-law. Now that the wedding is over and she wants to know what you find so off-putting about her dropping in unannounced, you find yourself in a minefield. One word of advice: talk to your hubby and get him onside. There is no bigger wedge in a marriage than a disgruntled mother-in-law.
8 Sex might fall by the wayside.
Your honeymoon was likely endless cocktails and sex … but now you’re home. And you’re tired. And the washing machine needs unloading. And your husband is watching Top Gear. And you haven’t shaved. And before you know it, your four-times-a-week habit has turned into once-a-fortnight. Make time.
9 You’ll make plans.
On a Saturday, over a late breakfast of croissants and bubbly (because why not?), you will make the most fantastical, elaborate plans. They will usually begin with ‘when we’re rich’ or ‘when we build our forever home’. They may feel nonsensical and far-fetched, but they’re fun.
10 You’ll do couple things.
You’ll get a kick out of seeing invitations to ‘Mr and Mrs’ arrive under your door, and you’ll organise weekends away with other couples. Because you’re married now, and you freaking love this world of married people you’ve been inducted into.
11 You’ll survive.
Once your realise that everyone fights and everyone panics and no-one’s life is anything like their Instagram, you’ll chill the hell out. And before you know it, you’ll be standing in CNA, picking out a first-anniversary card.